Sexual Health
Sexual health and disability is a VERY important topic and we could have an entire website devoted to it! It is often thought that all people with disabilities are asexual, when it couldn't be further from the truth. There is as much variety in the disability community as there is anywhere else. Regardless of disability, we can often have a narrow view of what sex or intimacy means, limiting ourselves unnecessarily.
Please Note: we may include our names on these pages, everyone else will be identified as “Contributor” or “Peer” unless express permission has been given. If you have any comments or feedback on anything posted, please contact us.
Subject: ‘The Pleasure is Ours’: 3 Essays on Sex After Spinal Cord Injury (New Mobility magazine)
Posted: May 24, 2024
‘The Pleasure is Ours’: 3 Essays on Sex After Spinal Cord Injury (New Mobility magazine)
Melanie: I work at populating the website as time and energy permits. Looking today, I have 200 posts saved to write up and add to these pages. This means enough time has passed that I have forgotten how I came across this New Mobility article. OOPS! Sharing our experiences, and looking to learn about the experiences of others, is so important. If you're reading this, you get it.
New Mobility: For Valentine’s Day (2022), we asked three people with spinal cord injuries to talk about how they experience sex and intimacy. Their backgrounds are different. Their levels of function are different. But they’ve all dealt with the confusion and discovery that comes with defining their own concepts of sexuality to fit their bodies and desires. These are frank and open discussions, and we hope they resonate with your own experiences.
Subject: Sensual Solutions - Intimate Care for Adults with Disabilities
Posted: May 24, 2024
Sensual Solutions for Disabled Adults | Re-inventing intimacy ...
Melanie: Wallace and I have a lot of conversations with people about sexual health and disability. If you are able-bodied, think back on the sex-ed you MAY have received in school. Often, it was delivered by a teacher from the school, and if your experience was like most of us, the teacher could not have been more uncomfortable. How does that foster a conducive atmosphere of learning? And forget about the content. Any attempt to make improvements to the curriculum have been blocked by people who feel sex education does not belong in schools. NOW... add disability to the equation... "What? They don't have sex!". People with disabilities are still being left out of the conversation at school because of the naive societal notion that it does not apply to THEM, further legitimizing the myth... adding to the internalized ableism people with disabilities harbour within themselves... and adding to the ableism of people without disability. The care and maintenance of our sexual health is an "act of daily living", but our society is still so uncomfortable with the topic. This neglect has a lasting impact and puts lives at risk. There are so many forms of education we can explore, but today we want to talk about Sexual Surrogacy. This is a type of therapy that includes a coach and a client. Goals are discussed, a plan is established, and the coach collaborates with the client to better understand what works for them, and what they might be able to offer a partner. For some clients, it might be emotional support that is needed. For others, it might be how to navigate the logistics of how their disability presents. These sessions are specific to the clients' needs and goals and there are often a set number of sessions to maintain a caring, but professional relationship. Generally, it is designed to help clients access their sexual health practices independently and with their partners (if desired). This is our LIMITED knowledge of the topic. We would certainly defer to the experts in this field, like Trish St. John of Sensual Solutions. Check out her website, call her, email her – Trish is lovely, approachable, and knowledgeable. She wants to hear from you.
Trish: Why would we marginalize and shut-out a whole group of people based on being differently abled? Is there an addendum to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs that says, “except for those who’s bodies don’t function the same as ours?” Basic human rights include all humans regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, disability, or challenge. If you would like to learn more about Sensual Solutions and re-inventing intimacy for yourself or someone you know, please contact us.
Google Reviews: "This is an amazing service, thank you doing this. You are saving LIVES!! Keep it up!!", "Fantastic. Compassionate sexual healing!"
Serving: The greater Vancouver area & Vancouver Island BC, Edmonton AB, and Toronto ON.
Contact: visit www.sensualsolutions.ca or call 604-836-6484
Subject: The Unsyted Radio & t6talk
Posted: July 27, 2023
The Unsyted Radio & t6talk
Wallace & Melanie: Chad Bouton reached out to us last year and asked if we would be interested in chatting. We had a preliminary chat with him to get to know one another and how we might approach a podcast recording with him. We should have recorded that initial meeting too. Chad is so easy to talk to. We finally did do a recording with him and we focused on the topic of sexual health, speaking about our personal experiences before we became a couple and our experiences as a couple. We hope you enjoy it.
The Unsyted Radio: In today's thought provoking episode of the podcast, Chad Bouton talks with Wallace and Melanie of t6talk. Although t6talk started off as a resource for the spinal cord injury (SCI) community, t6talk's continued outreach has led them into the broader disability community. t6talk aims to connect with anybody and everybody living with a disability and/or chronic illness. t6talk recognizes the power of peer when people share resources, personal stories, and experiences. Host Chad Bouton talks to Wallace about his lived experience with a spinal cord injury. Melanie and Wallace share their story of becoming a couple. Additionally, Melanie and Wallace talk about how they founded t6talk. A large majority of this episode concerns sexual intercourse in disability; not to mention, sexual exploration and expression within the disability community.
Subject: Love Abilities… and their International Virtual Festival
Posted: May 5, 2022
Love Abilities… and their International Virtual Festival
Melanie: I attended the 2021 Love Abilities International Virtual Festival last October. For three days I was immersed. At one point I put my earbuds in and went out to garden while listening to the presenters. One session after the other meant I did not have to choose between sessions running at the same time. I learned a lot and had some of my views challenged - an uncomfortable but important and valuable experience. the experience left me wanting more, so I was so pleased to learn that they will be running the festival again in 2022! Hooray!
The cost in 2021? 37.24 pound sterling or just under $60 CAD... for 3 SOLID DAYS. They undercharge, but I also know the co-chairs, Lorraine Stanley and Dr Mitchell Tepper, are wanting to ensure the festival is economically accessible. I have offered to help find sponsors for the 2022 festival. If you know of any organizations I should approach... please let me know.
Check out the link to the site below and see what was offered up in 2021. Amazing presenters and topics from across the globe.
Learn about the festival co-chairs… Lorraine Stanley and Dr Mitchell Tepper by checking out the posts below.
Love Abilities: Our mission? To provide people, with all types of disabilities, the knowledge, skills, and resources to take pleasure in their sexuality and to clear a pathway for optimal sexual expression. Our vision? People with disabilities will be empowered to lead the fullest sexual lives possible; and for their caregivers, lovers and allies to help support or be part of their life.
Subject: SWAD... Where Disability and Sex Come Together
Posted: May 5, 2022
SWAD... Where Disability and Sex Come Together
Melanie: Take a moment to check out SWAD. "SWAD is a training organisation, specialising in the area of disability and sex". Lorraine Stanley is the CEO and she is from Poole, UK. Wallace and I had the pleasure of meeting Lorraine over Zoom a couple of weeks ago. Dr Mitchell Tepper was also able to join this conversation. We knew the two of them were doing great work, but were so pleased to meet two people so willing to engage and listen to what other people are working on and look for ways to collaborate. We love these partnerships.
SWAD stands for Sex With A Difference...
I first learned about Lorraine when I attended the 2021 Love Abilities Virtual Sexuality and Disability Festival which she co-chairs along with Mitch (see my post on Dr Mitchell Tepper to learn more about him). Over the course of the three day festival, I looked forward to hearing her kind and loving voice. Lorraine is filled with love and wants to share... a generous spirit… and a SEX GODDESS
SWAD: As a newly disabled woman in 2007, Lorraine Stanley, hunted high and low for support and guidance on the subject of sex and disability, and found very little accessible help. Lorraine decided to be pro-active, and ran several sex and disability discussion groups at her local independent living centre. SWAD grew from the seeds of a community project into the training organisation it is today, primarily covering Dorset and surrounding areas. Sex and disability is our favourite topic, and we are always happy to chat about it. We would love you to join in our conversation!
Subject: Dr. Mitchell Tepper… Sexologist, Sex and Disability, Sex Coach, Relationship Coach
Posted: May 5, 2022
Dr. Mitchell Tepper… Sexologist, Sex and Disability, Sex Coach, Relationship Coach
Melanie: Wallace and I have met some really amazing people, inside and outside of Canada. Dr Mitchell Tepper is one of these people. After sustaining a spinal cord injury, Mitch pursued a career in finance and soon discovered it was not his calling. Listening to his inner voice, he went back to school and became a Sexuality Educator and Coach. He and his wife live in Atlanta, Georgia. His website is linked below.
In addition, he co-chairs the Love Abilities Virtual Sexuality and Disability Festival with Lorraine Stanley from the UK (see my post on SWAD to learn more about Lorraine).
And… He is the Executive Director, Director, Producer, and Writer of the award winning documentary Love After War: Saving Love, Saving Lives.
Dr Mitchell Tepper: Chronic illness or injury doesn’t have to destroy your intimate life. As a Sexuality Educator and Counselor living with spinal cord injury, I’m here to serve individuals who are struggling to understand sexual response and expression post-injury or illness. Having a disability doesn’t make you asexual. Erotic thoughts, desires, and fantasies are normal. And you can still gain satisfaction from those triggers. Despite what you may have heard, it’s possible to tap into your sexual pleasure post-injury or illness. If you are ready to explore new and exciting ways to reclaim your sexual life, I invite you to contact me to schedule a complimentary 15-minute Discovery Session. Together, we’ll discuss where you are and determine the steps you need to take to reach your intimacy goals.
Subject: Bump'n Joystick
Posted: February 11, 2022
Bump'n Joystick
Melanie: If you haven't checked this invention out yet... do it!!! And you can get it at a reduced price right now. So much time, and thoughtful attention has gone into creating the Bump'n Joystick. People tested different versions and provided feedback so that improvements could be made - so it has been tried and tested.
Bump'n: Sexual pleasure is a human right. That's right, our friends at W.H.O. (World Health Organisation) have classified sexual pleasure as a ‘human right’. But we’ve discovered that hand limitations are preventing hundreds of millions of people from enjoying the ‘Big O’ on their own. We think that blows (and not in the good way). We believe everyone should be able to ‘get off’, to bump’n grind and get down, regardless of ability. So,whether you’re disabled or non-disabled we’re bump’n the barriers to your sexual pleasure!
If you have used this device, let us know what you thought! We want to hear from you.
Subject: Talking About Sexuality in Canadian Communities (TASCC): Supporting Youth With Disabilities
Posted: January 19, 2022
Talking About Sexuality in Canadian Communities (TASCC): Supporting Youth With Disabilities
Melanie: Think about all of the subjects that were taught to you in school. Think about the subjects that were not talked about, the subjects we were discouraged from talking about. There are gaps to our education. Communication skills are the foundation for so much and yet so many of us struggle with communicating our needs and wants, which can lead to unhealthy relationships (with ourselves and with others). Comprehensive, inclusive sex education programs are vital. We need all the resources we can get. This site has resources for parents and service providers.
History of TASCC: TASCC was first launched in 2011. It was developed for service providers working with high risk youth, such as those street-involved. TASCC was relaunched in 2016 to contain information for parents and service providers of youth with disabilities. In 2020, TASCC was redesigned with information for youth with disabilities. It also includes accessibility features and a learning management system, with online courses. TASCC was made possible through funding by the Maternal Newborn Child and Youth (MNCY) Strategic Clinical NetworkTM (SCNTM) and PolicyWise for Children & Families.
TASCC "Good to Know": Children and youth who receive sexuality education that focuses on their needs are less vulnerable to abuse and sexual exploitation and have healthier friendships and relationships.
Subject: Take a Look at This Heart
Posted: January 19, 2022
Take a Look At This Heart
Melanie: My friend Teri Thorson sent me a link to an article on the site Wheel Life called "Sex, Love, and Disability: Ben Duffy’s New Documentary Exposes It All". To read the article, click HERE. After reading the article, I searched for the movie, Take a Look at This Heart, and found it on YouTube. Click on the link at the bottom to see the full movie. I just finished watching it and fully enjoyed it.
Wheel Life: Throughout the documentary (Take a Look at This Heart), people living with varying degrees of disability open up to Duffy and his camera sharing stories about their romantic relationships or lack thereof. Where some of the cast are in healthy relationships, others have yet to find that connection we humans innately seek.
I would love to hear your feedback!
Subject: pleasureABLE: Sexual Device Manual for Persons with Disabilities
Posted: January 19, 2022
pleasureABLE: Sexual Device Manual for Persons with Disabilities
Melanie: This pleasureABLE manual was developed by Dr. Stacy Elliott along with Kate Naphtali and Edith MacHattie. Kate and Edith were under the supervision of Dr. Andrei Krassioukov This resource reviews many sexual devices and how they might be used. This manual also covers safety concerns such as skin integrity, altered sensation and Autonomic Dysreflexia (AD).
pleasureABLE: We created this manual for persons of all abilities, genders, age, race, and sexual orientation to assist with their quality of sexual life. Research shows that sexuality is a major rehabilitation priority for clients, and we strongly believe that sexuality is very important to talk about — something that should be respected, celebrated, playful, and PleasurAble!
Subject: Holland Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital: Let's Talk About Disability and Sex
Posted: January 19, 2022
Holland Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital: Let's Talk About Disability and Sex
Melanie: I was pleased to find this resource for young people. By sharing our experiences with younger generations, we model for them the importance of open and clear communication. It also encourages them to share and to know that their voices matter. On April 28th, 2021, the Bloorview Research Institute held "a connection day to discuss sexuality and young people with disabilities". You can access the recordings by clicking on the link below.
Bloorview Research Institute: The aim of this day was to share the research on sexuality and disability, come up with new research questions and identify poorly understood problems and create an accessible resource that will help start the conversation on sexuality
Dr. Loree Erickson and Gabriella Carafa discuss Early Intimate Relationships, Dr. Shaniff Esmail and Rainbow Hunt cover Meaningful Sexual Lives and Sexual Rights, while Dr. Alan Martino and Mari “Dev” Ramsawakh tackle Multiple and Converging Identities.
Subject: Action Canada for Sexual Health Rights: Sex, Sexual Health and Disability
Posted: January 19, 2022
Action Canada for Sexual Health Rights: Sex, Sexual Health and Disability
Melanie: I cannot tell you how I found this organization. Some searches can take you down a very deep rabbit hole. Sometimes you climb out with very little (or nothing) and other times you find all kinds of new resources. I like that this organization also talks about intellectual disabilities - illuminating the truth that "All too often, sex-ed ignores the needs and realities of people with cognitive disabilities." They also have a Hub Feedback form so that people can alert them to errors or changes needed. This invitation makes it a two-way conversation. There are A LOT of resources and information on this site.
Action Canada: Action Canada is building on the 50-year legacy of our predecessor organizations, including Canadians for Choice, Action Canada for Population and Development, the Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, and the Planned Parenthood Federation of Canada.
Subject: I Give Disabled People Orgasms for a Living (And I'm proud of it)
Posted: September 2, 2021
I Give Disabled People Orgasms for a Living (And I'm proud of it)
Melanie: Sometimes when I am searching with world-wide-web, I feel like Alice falling head first down a rabbit hole. This is not a bad thing, but I sometimes lose the thread of how I got from one place to another. There are so many people out there doing amazing work to make our world a better place. This post has a few links that I hope you will check out.
The Article: "I Give Disabled People Orgasms for a Living (And I'm proud of it)". Spencer Williams is the host of the radio program All Access Pass. He is a disability advocate and he is passionate about discussing sex and disability. In the article, he talks about his personal experience with Medically Assisted Sex Surrogates and he interviews a surrogate. See the link at the bottom of this post. You can also check out the other articles Vice has to offer on disability HERE.
The Video: As you scroll down... reading the article... there is also a video you can watch called "Inside the World of Medically Assisted Sex". What an important conversation! Trish St.John (the founder of Sensual Solutions) discusses why she started her organization and why its relevant. Spencer is also interviewed as a client of Sensual Solutions. Well worth a watch.
The Intimacy Coaches: I have yet to find an organization like Sensual Solutions in Ontario. If you know of one, please let us know! Check out Sensual Solutions HERE.
The Long and the Short of It: We need to keep these conversations going and bring these topics to the table. The more we think and talk about sex and disability (and access), the less taboo it is. Most of us are sexual beings - disability shouldn't close the door. If you have any resources to share, we want to hear from you! We also want to hear from you if you have any questions.
Subject: Spinal Cord Injury and Intimacy
Posted: September 2, 2021
Spinal Cord Injury and Intimacy
Melanie: The word "intimacy" can mean different things to different people. This video demonstrates the importance of intimacy in our relationships.
This 8 minute video is from the Shepherd Centre - Atlanta Georgia
Enjoy!
Subject: Myths and Misconceptions with Dr Amy Muise and Dr Jackie Kathnelson (from ILCWR's Disability and Sexuality Summer Webinar Series)
Posted: September 2, 2021
Myths and Misconceptions with Dr Amy Muise and Dr Jackie Kathnelson (from ILCWR's Disability and Sexuality Summer Webinar Series)
Melanie: This is the 4th and final instalment of ILCWR's Disability and Sexuality Summer Webinar Series. Dr Muise and Dr Kathnelson did a great job presenting this webinar. They have a depth of knowledge and the ability to clearly and openly communicate the material. Great presentation.
Enjoy!
Subject: Women’s Pleasure by Regan Linton
Posted: August 4, 2021
Women’s Pleasure by Regan Linton
Melanie: “Women’s Pleasure” is a great article by Regan Linton and is posted on the New Mobility website. It starts with... "This article isn’t about medical expertise or biological research. It’s also not about sadness, longing, or nostalgia for what once was before injury or illness. It’s about everyday women and their real, current sex lives. It’s about the myriad of possibilities for sexuality after paralysis — that sex can be fun, adventurous, frivolous, messy, tender, exploratory and more. And it’s about opening a door for communication."
And the article ends with "So go ahead, ladies. Get yourself a mirror, a vibrator, a wedge, a beanbag, a partner, and venture into something new. Don’t stop talking or sharing. Be a unicorn!"
They stress the importance of communication and we couldn't agree more.
Subject: Sexuality after SCI - Video Series
Posted: August 4, 2021
Sexuality after SCI - Video Series
Melanie: Mount Sinai Hospital in NYC hosts a website called Sexuality After SCI. Dr. Angela Riccobono is a psychologist at Mount Sanai and she appears to be the force behind this site. She has the following to say "This video archive and website is a resource for people living with spinal cord injury, their partners, and the healthcare professionals who treat them. Our goal was to create a platform that provides the knowledge and practical information needed to encourage communication and instill hope that love, sex and intimacy are all possible after spinal cord injury. Love yourself, be adventurous, and remember, sex is fun. Get in touch with your local community and reach out to your peers for mentors, friends and maybe even love."
Angela was inspired by her friend Jack Hofsiss. Please take the time to read what she has to say about Jack under "A Note From Angela".
On this site is a video series called Sex, Love and Intimacy After Spinal Cord Injury. The series includes: Debunking Sexual Myths, Redefining Sex, Sex Lfe and Well Being, Confidence and Self Esteem, Communication, The Big O, Effects of SCI on Sex, Erections, Pre-Injury Factors, Managing Bodily Functions, Fertility, Talking to Your Doctor, Dating After SCI, Facilitated Sex, Adaptive Devices, Positioning With Partners.
I was especially thrilled to see the video on Facilitated Sex as this is a topic Wallace and I are currently looking into (it's like searching for The Loch Ness Monster). This collection of videos are small bites of a larger conversation. Each one is only about 6 minutes long. I think they would make a great introduction for a group discussion. There are so many different stories out there and so much more to say!
The content and message of these videos are similar to what we focus on when we talk about intimate relationships and SCI. Effective communication is so important for all of us in our day to day lives and it is certainly the key to a healthy and vibrant intimate relationship.
There is also a page with videos specifically for Healthcare Professionals and an Additional Resources page. I am working my way through these too.
Subject: Empowering Women After SCI: Intimacy
Posted: August 4, 2021
Empowering Women After SCI: Intimacy
Melanie: I was looking for some videos to share featuring women discussing intimacy and SCI. I enjoyed this video. It was brief and didn't get into a great amount of detail, but the messages were positive.They discussed the importance of confidence and knowing yourself, humour in the bedroom, as well as the necessity of trial and error.
This video was developed by the Shepherd Center in Atlanta, Georgia. It is a private, not-for-profit hospital specializing in medical treatment, research and rehabilitation for people with spinal cord injury, brain injury, stroke, multiple sclerosis, spine and chronic pain, and other neuromuscular conditions.
Subject: Sexual Health with SHORE (from ILCWR’s Disability and Sexuality Summer Webinar Series)
Posted: August 4, 2021
Sexual Health with SHORE (from ILCWR’s Disability and Sexuality Summer Webinar Series)
Melanie: This is the 2nd session out of 4 in ILCWR's Summer Webinar Series. Their video description reads as follows... "SHORE presents on sexual health and answers questions from participants. SHORE offers inclusive sexual and reproductive health services in our community that uphold the dignity of everyone."
SHORE (formerly known as Planned Parenthood) was founded in 1972, providing sexual health information and support. Visit and explore their website HERE.
Rached is a great presenter - very relaxed and knowledgeable.
Subject: Disability and Relationships with Wallace and Melanie (from ILCWR’s Disability and Sexuality Summer Webinar Series)
Posted: July 28, 2021
Disability and Relationships with Wallace and Melanie (from ILCWR’s Disability and Sexuality Summer Webinar Series)
Wallace and Melanie: The Independent Living Centre of Waterloo Region (ILCWR) is hosting a Summer Webinar Series on Disability and Sexuality. Sheri Roberts, ILCWR’s Community Resource Coordinator, asked us to speak about Disability and Relationships. This event happened on July 15th and we had a blast.
ILCWR will be recording the rest of the sessions and we will post links to them as they are made available to us.
Thank you Sheri
To our family and friends... we share our personal experiences regarding sex and sexuality... we are comfortable and happy to have you view our videos, but we wanted to be aware so you can make an informed choice.
Subject: Enhance the UK
Posted: July 23, 2021
Enhance the UK
Wallace and Melanie: In the entry just below this one... we give you a link to watch "Undressing Disability" presented by Emily Yates of Enhance the UK. We have just started exploring their site and wanted to post it here for your browsing pleasure.
Taken from the "About Us" page: As a user-led charity, Enhance The UK aim to change the way people view disability, which often involves removing the ‘fear factor’ that so often surrounds the subject. We support businesses to be more inclusive by providing disability awareness training, British Sign Language workshops and accessibility audits, amongst other things.
Disability Awareness Training in schools is hugely important to help challenge stereotypes and encourage a positive view of disability from a young age. Many children that we train have not yet had the opportunity to engage with a disabled person and ask questions in an environment without judgement. We pride ourselves on our ability to offer this, whilst delivering sessions that are fun, interesting and memorable.
Please do get in touch with us today to find out more about any of the services we offer.
‘Undressing Disability’ is a global campaign which aims to raise standards in sexual health and sexual awareness for disabled people. As part of this we run the Love Lounge, an online forum providing free advice on all things sex, love and disability. We also have free downloadable resources.
Subject: Kevin's TEDx Picks
Posted: July 23, 2021
Kevin's TEDx Picks
Wallace and Melanie: We have had the good fortune to connect with Kevin Munn, a Peer Support Worker from the Victoria Disability Resource Centre (VDRC). We are working on a project together... exciting! We will keep you posted!
Kevin sent us 3 TEDx videos on the topic of sex and disability and we thought they would make a great addition to this page.
1. "Every Body: Glamour, Dateability, Sexuality & Disability" presented by Dr. Danielle Sheypuk (TEDxBarnardCollege). Length: 16 minutes. Notable excerpt: "The silent message: the more in shape your body, the better the sex. The unspoken conclusion: if you have a disability, you are too sick to have sex." Click HERE to watch the video.
2. "Undressing Disability" presented by Emily Yates. Length: 15 minutes. Notable excerpt: "Many young disabled people require a little bit of care and support, within their home lives, within their school lives, whatever they've got going on. One thing that often isn't in any of their care plans is anything to do with sex and relationships." Click HERE to watch the video.
3. "Sexuality and Disability: Forging Identity in a World that Leaves You Out" presented by Gaelynn Lea (TEDxYale). Length: 21 minutes. Notable excerpt: "If you were to ask me what the biggest gap has been so far in my life, I would actually say sexuality. And although it might seem kind of surprising, research shows that sex has often been rated as one of the areas of greatest oppression for people with disabilities." Click HERE to watch the video.
Thanks Kevin!
Subject: Andrew Gurza & “Picture This”
Posted: July 14, 2021
Andrew Gurza & “Picture This”
Melanie: Do you know about Andrew Gurza? Self-described “Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator”? If you don’t, I encourage you to check him out. He is a powerful voice for disability and being true to YOU. Andrew is a busy person, with lots of projects on the go. Visit his Linktree HERE.
I just watched his 2018 NFB documentary "Picture This" for the third time (link below). Andrew's openness about sex and disability is refreshing and he candidly discusses the zero representation of disability in “gay male media”. He speaks from the heart and tells it as it is, sharing his "truth about disability", as does Stella Palikarova – his “Deliciously Disabled” partner. Andrew encourages all of us to be true to who we are… to be open and honest.
His friend, Tinashe Dune, who has earned her PHD in Human Sexuality, stated the following: Sex is a human right. Sexual health, sexual wellbeing, sexual interactions. The World Health Organization says it is a human right. But there seems to be people for whom it is denied, for who it is not accepted, So, clearly it’s so fundamental that people are asking “Are you human enough? Can you participate in this fundamental aspect of humanity?”
Are you human enough? Let that sink in…
Wallace does not currently access attendant care and both of us are curious about the relationship between people with disabilities and their caregivers. When it comes to a person’s sexual health, what assistance can Personal Support Workers (PSWs) provide? To be clear – no one is suggesting that PSWs should engage in sexual activities with their clients. It is about ensuring clients have what they need, leaving to provide them with privacy and then returning to help with any post activity tasks. Stella Palikarova does a brilliant job of shining a light on this, “… they (government) fund computers because communication is considered a basic access need. But apparently, access to your genitals is unimportant.” Andrew goes on to discuss the inaccessibility of most sex toys. Unless you are with an intimate partner, this means navigating a difficult conversation with a PSW… with no guarantee they will agree to assist.
If, as a society, we were able to talk openly and freely about our NATURAL bodily functions and our sexual wellbeing, it would be no big deal to discuss how we may do these things differently from one another. We think we live in an open and liberal time, but we have jammed ourselves into the corner and this limits us all.
Diversity is not the enemy.
Like other people living with a disability, Andrew has claimed the terms "cripple" and "crip". He is aware that not everyone is comfortable with these terms. It is a very personal choice – and a powerful one – but it is HIS to make. Wallace also uses these same terms, along with "gimp", as a means of taking control away from those who would use the terms to demean or “other”.
Subject: SCIO Peer Connections - SCI & Intimacy 3 Part Series - Session 3 Sex and Sexuality
Posted: June 3, 2021
Session 3: Sex and Sexuality
See Session 1 and 2 lower down on this page.
Wallace & Melanie: On Wednesday, June 2nd, we ran session 3 of our 3 part series on SCI & Intimacy for SCIO. Session 3 was on "Sexuality” (1 and 2 are posted lower on this page). It was an intensely emotional experience. There were some hard moments, but we also had a lot of laughs. We have enjoyed this whole process. Thank you to SCIO - but most especially, thanks to everyone who was able to join us. Thanks for sharing your time, for actively listening and for laughing with us.
We are grateful for the opportunity to talk about topics that are important to us... that we are passionate about. Our continued hope is that other people in the SCI community will share THEIR stories and experiences too. We are not all the same. Our voices are different and they ALL have value. The greater the diversity of voices, the greater the chance that someone who is searching for a connection will find a voice they can relate to. We look forward to hearing from YOU!
To our family and friends... we share our personal experiences regarding sex and sexuality... we are comfortable and happy to have you view our videos, but we wanted to be aware so you can make an informed choice.
Subject: the movie “The Sessions”
Posted: May 27, 2021
The Sessions
Melanie: I watched this movie a number of years ago and I was struck by the subject matter. Sex Surrogacy gets very little attention and is tucked away like a dirty little secret. I have started to look into this more - especially when it comes to the legality of it in Canada. I read a Healthline article this morning A Beginner’s Guide to Surrogate Partner Therapy (Feb 27, 2020). It was a very good overview. If there is anyone out there who has more information on this or would like to talk about it, contact us!
“Based on the poignantly optimistic autobiographical writings of California-based journalist and poet Mark O'Brien, THE SESSIONS tells the story of a man confined to an iron lung who is determined - at age 38 - to lose his virginity. With the help of his therapists and the guidance of his priest, he sets out to make his dream a reality.” Searchlight
Subject: article “Sexual Health of People with Spinal Cord Injury”
Posted: May 27, 2021
Sexual Health of People with Spinal Cord Injury
Wallace: During our SCI & Intimacy talk on Communication last night (see entry below) I referenced an article, “Sexual Health of People with Spinal Cord Injury” (Stefano Federici1, Francesco Artegiani, Daniele Diotallevi, Giovanna Caruso1 and Alessandra Castellani Mencarelli). It addresses the phallocentric culture we live in and discusses how women are led to focus on their physical appearance post spinal cord injury.
This is a call out to women with a SCI - we would love to hear from you! We want to share YOUR stories and experiences.
Subject: SCIO Peer Connections - SCI & Intimacy 3 Part Series - Session 2 Communication
Posted: May 27, 2021
Session 2: Communication
See Session 1 lower down on this page.
Wallace & Melanie: On Wednesday, May 26th, we ran session 2 of our 3 part series on SCI & Intimacy for SCIO. Session 2 was on "Communication”. Despite Wallace having a headache, we enjoyed our time. We had enough material for a couple of hours. We would have been okay with talking that long, but we know that, despite Covid, people have other things to do (smiling). Thanks to everyone who was able to join us! Our last session is next week (June 2nd). See our Events page for more details. We will post that video on this page too.
We are grateful for the opportunity to talk about topics that are important to us... that we are passionate about. Our continued hope is that other people in the SCI community will share THEIR stories and experiences too. We are not all the same. Our voices are different and they ALL have value. The greater the diversity of voices, the greater the chance that someone who is searching for a connection will find a voice they can relate to. We look forward to hearing from YOU!
To our family and friends... we share our personal experiences regarding sex and sexuality... we are comfortable and happy to have you view our videos, but we wanted to be aware so you can make an informed choice.
Subject: SCIO Peer Connections - SCI & Intimacy 3 Part Series - Session 1 Myths & Misconceptions About Sex & Sexuality
Posted: May 21, 2021
Session 1: Myths & Misconceptions About Sex & Sexuality
Wallace & Melanie: On Wednesday, May 19th, we ran session 1 of our 3 part series on SCI & Intimacy for SCIO. Session 1 was "Myths and Misconceptions About Sex & Sexuality". It was a great evening. We enjoyed sharing our point of view and our experiences. We are looking forward to the next 2 sessions. See our Events page for more details. After each of those sessions we will add the videos this page too.
We are grateful for the opportunity to talk about topics that are important to us... that we are passionate about. Our continued hope is that other people in the SCI community will share THEIR stories and experiences too. We are not all the same. Our voices are different and they ALL have value. The greater the diversity of voices, the greater the chance that someone who is searching for a connection will find a voice they can relate to. We look forward to hearing from YOU!
To our family and friends... we share our personal experiences regarding sex and sexuality... we are comfortable and happy to have you view our videos, but we wanted to be aware so you can make an informed choice.
Subject: Community Magazine “The Spirit of SCIO”: Sex - Does It Make You Uncomfortable?
Posted: June 8, 2021
Sex - Does It Make You Uncomfortable?
Wallace & Melanie: Earlier this year when we first started working on our 3 Part Series on SCI and Intimacy, Oda Al-anizi of SCIO asked if he could interview us, along with 2 other couples. The article “Sex - Does It Make You Uncomfortable?” was published in the Spring 2021 copy of Community Magazine.
The more we talk about sex and sexuality, the easier it is to share and support one another. Our voices are different and they ALL have value. We look forward to hearing from YOU!
Subject: "Examining the psychological and emotional experience of sexuality for men after spinal cord injury"
Posted: April 13, 2021
"Examining the psychological and emotional experience of sexuality for men after spinal cord injury"
Wallace & Melanie: For a research paper, JD Kathnelson and her colleagues did a bang-up job of making it highly readable, utilizing personal statements from people with lived experience. We also have a great deal of respect for their goal of the study which was "not to predict, but to receive information."
One of the takeaways from the study focuses on those who were able to expand their understanding of what sex means and what it means to "be a man", had a more satisfying and enriching sex life post injury. This supports the notion that the narrower our views, the more apt we are to be dissatisfied when we are unable to fulfill the arbitrary limits society sets. Some of the participants expressed that their sex life was more fulfilling post injury, achieving a deeper level of intimacy.
We can be our own worst enemies. It is important for us to challenge "traditional" roles and behaviours and consider what damage they can cause or how they can hold us back from achieving a more fulfilling life. The themes of the study include erectile & ejaculatory dysfunction, masculinity, perspectives on disability and physical attractiveness. We believe this study speaks to the importance of providing people access to peer support ASAP post-injury. Life is different after a spinal cord injury, but that doesn’t have to mean a life without fulfillment and overall wellbeing… sex and intimacy are a huge part of this. One of the limitations of this study, like most others, is it is limited to a heterosexual perspective, which the authors acknowledge. We are continuing to look for resources that come from (or include) the LGBTQ2+ perspective. If there is anyone out there who has knowledge and/or resources to assist with this, please contact us.
Subject: Health Link BC: Intimacy and Fertility
Posted: April 13, 2021
Intimacy and Fertility
Wallace & Melanie: This Health Link BC article is a great summary resource for some of the sexuality related issues faced by both men and women after an SCI. If you are looking for something that is short and to the point, this is a good starting place. It addresses intimacy, fertility, desire and sexual arousal. It is written in plain language and is a quick read.
Subject: Sexual Self Discovery and Body Mapping
Posted: April 9, 2021
Sexual Self Discovery and Body Mapping
Wallace & Melanie: We have been waiting for Spinal Cord Essentials to post this handout on their site. It has finally arrived! This is a resource that can be used in a variety of situations. The readiness for each individual to explore their sexuality post injury is different for each person. Once you are ready, this handout may be a great tool to explore your body and discover or identify your erogenous zones. It can also be utilized as a communication tool between you and your partner, whether in an established relationship or embarking upon a new one. Body mapping is an activity that enables you to find areas of pleasure on your body, spinal cord injury or not. Please note… this handout addresses Autonomic Dysreflexia (AD). It is important to not ignore these signs. If you are not familiar with AD, we have added a link to that handout below.
Subject: Autonomic Dysreflexia (AD)
Posted: April 9, 2021
Autonomic Dysreflexia (AD)
Wallace & Melanie: This handout supplements the one above on Body Mapping. It is a great resource for those unfamiliar with AD or for those of us who need a refresher.
Subject: SCI & Intimacy
Posted: February 20, 2021
SCI & Intimacy
Wallace & Melanie: To get the ball rolling on this page, we have added a link to a peer connection workshop we did for the SCIO London office this January on SCI & Intimacy. This was our first joint venture putting on a virtual speaking presentation like this. The first 8 to 10 minutes of our talk could have been streamlined… so your patience is appreciated. We loved doing it. It was a great learning experience for us. We are currently working on some new material. We will keep you posted!
Subject: The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability
Posted: February 17, 2021
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability
Wallace & Melanie: Both of us can recommend this book by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg and Fran Odette. Wallace has a hard copy on his bookshelf, and I have an audiobook version. Pick the format that works best for you! They cover a lot of material in this book. It is informative, inclusive and practical. The link below will take you to a Google search as we did not want to suggest where you should purchase this from.